


24

by mthrfkrgdhrwego (universalchampbalor)



Series: No Matter What You Do (Someone Always Knew You Would) [3]
Category: Professional Wrestling
Genre: Alternate Universe - 2000s, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Small Town, Character Study, Dean Ambrose-centric, First Love, Flashbacks, Inspired by Poetry, Inspired by Richard Siken, Light Angst, M/M, Pining, Purple Prose, Revelations, Snapshots, inspisred by stanza 24 of You Are Jeff by Richard Siken, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-22
Updated: 2019-09-22
Packaged: 2020-10-25 16:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20726918
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/universalchampbalor/pseuds/mthrfkrgdhrwego
Summary: The reality is that it’s a Tuesday, it’s 2002, they live in a small, podunk town in rural Florida, and Dean’s in love with Roman.





	24

**Author's Note:**

> I've been trying to write a bunch of different drabbles for the[Small Town AU™](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1421872) but nothing's been panning out, so I wrote this nonsense in one sitting because god do I need to post something

> You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won’t tell you that he loves you, but he loves you. And you feel like you’ve done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself a grave in the dirt, and you’re tired. You’re in a car with a beautiful boy, and you’re trying not to tell him that you love him, and you’re trying to choke down the feeling, and you’re trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist, and you feel your heart taking root in your body, like you’ve discovered something you don’t even have a name for.
> 
> -_You Are Jeff, _Richard Siken  
>   
> ---  
  
There’s nothing special about The Day It Happens.

It feels wrong, in a way, to have such a faith-shaking, world-ending revelation on some random Tuesday afternoon, but it also fits. Dean’s never been one to have epiphanies makes  _ sense _ , has never been someone for pageantry, especially when it comes to emotion. 

The reality is that it’s a Tuesday, it’s 2002, they live in a small, podunk town in rural Florida, and Dean’s in love with Roman.

Maybe it’s stereotypical, being in love with his best friend, being in love with the first person to have shown him kindness, being in love with someone he can never be with, but really, Dean’s entire life feels like a shitty stereotype. Absent father, junkie mother, a house that isn’t a home, a reputation that hangs over him like a storm cloud on a clear afternoon.  The revelation, in and of itself, isn’t surprising. What’s surprising is that it’s even surprising in the first place. Dean’s almost  _ angry _ at his surprise because this has to be the most obvious fucking thing in his life. He’s the only out queer in town, he’s never known  _ love _ , and he’s all ass over teakettle for his religious, goody-two-shoes best friend.

It’s fitting that his life-ruining discovery happens in the passenger seat of Roman’s beat-up rustbucket pick up truck. The bench seat feels like an invitation and an accusation all at once, written out in cracked leather and waxed seams. Dean’s heart has sunken into his stomach, or is sitting somewhere between his kidneys, or has settled into his throat; the point is, it’s no longer where it should be and it’s not filled with what it should be. His palms are sweating and he’s nauseous and he can’t breathe. It feels a little like the time he stole from the liquor store, or the times he downed a bottle of pills, or when he digs a hole he’s sure will be his grave.

He doesn’t realize he’s shaking until Roman’s hand lands on his.

It’s simple, easy, the kind of touch Dean’s never experienced with someone other than Roman. He imagines this is what people pray for, that this is what love is when it’s returned in full, that this is the wordless thing that people write lyrics about. Roman’s smile is a soft thing that feels like a knife in the chest, something that Dean wants to cradle in his hands even though he knows he will ruin it.

Dean chokes on words he can’t say, words he  _ shouldn’t  _ say, on emotions that feel too big in his chest, on his own air and spit, on nothing at all. It feels like everything has fallen away, the only things left in the world being him and Roman and the truck and the road and the affectivity that sits between them like a physical thing. Dean doesn’t pull away from Roman’s hand because he doesn’t think he’s ever had that ability and maybe, just maybe, he can allow himself this one kindness.

Everything narrows down to Dean’s heart beating with an emotion he can’t name.

He doesn’t know if he wants to name it.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm vampiremox on Tumblr! Come bug me!


End file.
